"They are ALWAYS listening, unless you're giving them instructions": 25+ Wise women give new moms hilarious and honest advice on how to handle impulsive infants and terrible toddlers

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 6, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Absolutely nothing can prepare you for the crazy roller coaster that is motherhood. No, not the countless mommy Instagram accounts that you follow, not the podcasts that you put on while you take a morning jog, and no, not the parenting books that your BFF swears by. There are certain experiences that you simply have to live through in order to know how to handle them. It's certainly a struggle at first, but you eventually become something of a pro. However, motherhood is a life-long journey, so there will always be new challenges just around the corner— even when your kid is well into adulthood! If you're a new mom looking for some lighthearted advice on raising your tykes at tots, look no further! Scroll down below for a collection of hilarious anecdotes and witty guidance from sage mothers who have seen and been through it all. It's certainly not their first rodeo. 

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  • 01

    Hilarious warnings for new mums

    "Silence is golden. Except when you have a toddler. Then silence is very, very suspicious."
    via DaniloAndjus

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    If your sweet adorable toddler brings you a cup of water and they can't reach the sink? Don't drink it. That water came from the toilet. What's your warning?
    via u/Bookaholicforever
  • 03
    i_say_say_10 if they walk past you dragging a chair, you better get on that. same if the house suddenly gets quiet.
    via u/i_say_say_10
  • 04
    sandwichwench We got my toddler one of those counter-height kitchen helper towers for Christmas. The other day I watched as he pushed it over to the baby gate blocking the stairs to our basement and started climbing. I wanted to see what he had in mind, but jumped up real fast.
    via u/sandwichwench
  • 05
    He also pushed it over to our oven so he could grab the hand towels and throw them on the ground. Much less dangerous, but this level of problem solving in a human who can't communicate very well is terrifying, lol.
    via u/sandwichwench
  • 06
    mallow6134 Make sure your kitchen knives are out of reach.
    via u/mallow6134
  • 07
    CrazyCatLady1127 Silence is golden. Except when you have a toddler. Then silence is very, very suspicious
    via u/CrazyCatLady1127
  • 08
    somethingreddity I confiscated our toddler tower the other day because my youngest and oldest like to climb on it and they get into fights on it, so I took it away for a day. Well, my oldest decided to drag 3 of the 4 dining room chairs into the kitchen and tried to make toast. I had already unplugged the toaster bc I knew he was up to no good. This child is 2.5 lol.
    via u/somethingreddity
  • 09
    PeachyPops They are ALWAYS listening - they are absorbed in the telly, they are listening. In another room playing, they are listening. You mumble under your breath, you bet they heard that. And will repeat that. Unless you're giving them instructions, that seems to stop it.
    via u/PeachyPops
  • 10
    Ezada My son has excellent hearing. You want a snack all for you? Better find a way to make that package silent because they will come running across the house like a puppy.
    via u/Ezada
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10464662272
    via Leung Cho Pan

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    sosqueee The other day my dad whispered over FaceTime about how he was shocked my daughter still had clothes on for that day. He said it quietly. She was in the kitchen. I was in the living room. She immediately removed her clothes.
    via u/sosqueee
  • 13
    elenifan When my brother was a toddler, he suddenly came up to us and said, unprompted "I didn't do anything!"... He had thrown a pot and made a mess
    via u/elenifan
  • 14
    MomShaped Object If you've looked everywhere for the TV remote for three days and you still can't find it, it is INSIDE THE STOVE. Check before you preheat for the love of God.
    via u/MomShapedObject
  • 15
    Ezada Same with stuffed animals or dolls that "wanted to take a nap in a cave." That's my mom's story, I was the culprit
    via u/Ezada
  • 16
    930
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    TheGardenNymph My toddler has a decoy remote so he doesn't hide the real one (yet)
    via u/TheGardenNymph

  • Please, moms, if you get anything from this thread it's got to be the fake remote control. Absolutely genius. It will save you so much trouble.

  • 18
    Please_send_baguette When they are suddenly and uncharacteristically demon children, like truly melting down, screaming, throwing themselves on the floor when they usually don't, 90% of the time they'll wake up the next day with a fever or an ear infection. If you screamed at them, you'll get to feel extra guilty.
    via u/Please_send_baguette
  • 19
    silima Or teeth. One time my then 10 month old was a pest right after waking up and even hit me in the face (total out of character). After a dose of tylenol and 15 minutes he was back to his normal self and 2 days later we had a new tooth.
    via u/silima
  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10464662016
    via kate_sept2004

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    Aurelene-Rose My son, who is normally very "go with the flow", always becomes an emo mess right before getting sick. Crying with no provocation and whining about how everything is the hardest thing in the world all of a sudden.
    via u/Aurelene-Rose
  • 22
    You-Already-Know-It When it gets suspiciously quiet, hurry and see what they're up to! It's usually some mischievous shenanigans.
    via u/You-Already-Know-It
  • 23
    sarasarasarak Toddler era: Never do anything once you aren't willing to do a million times
    via u/sarasarasarak
  • 24
    kellzbellz-11 This one. Toddlers do not understand exceptions! Oh, it's fun to let them walk in the grocery store today because you're only getting two things? Guess what's gonna happen every single time you go to a grocery store for all time now? HUGE shopping cart tantrum.
    via u/kellzbellz-11
  • 25
    meremaid2201 Omg this. My husband let our older twin touch the light shade in their bedroom one night before bed like 3 months ago and now it's part of the bedtime routine for both.
    via u/meremaid2201
  • 26
    hopelesslyanxious Don't get down to their level when they're having a meltdown. You're just inviting a slap to the face.
    via u/hopelesslyanxious
  • 27
    Affectionate March394 If they are learning how to throw things out in the garbage. CHECK FOR YOUR CAR KEYS.
    via u/AffectionateMarch394
  • 28
    miserylovescomputers After 4 kids not much makes me panic these days, pretty much everything is manageable, even if it's frustrating or difficult. The only things that genuinely spike my bl d pressure now are: lice outbreaks contagious di hea finding just the lid of a sharpie
    via u/miserylovescomputers

  • The implication of a lidless Sharpie is absolutely terrifying. Hopefully it just dried out somewhere under the couch.

  • 29
    Aggravating-Sock-762 Your baby WILL roll off the bed/couch/etc and will be ok. It's almost a parental initiation. It happens to all of us. Doesn't make you a bad person or parent
    via u/Aggravating-Sock-762

Tags

Babies warning witty toddler married with children mother adulting motherhood relationships parenting advice love new mom reddit thread Reddit raising kids mom Parenting Fail
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